Perfectly Imperfect
This year, my husband's mom died after a prolonged journey through dementia. As she experienced this cruel and terrible disease, we would often talk about how it was too bad that so many of her years were spent in this altered state and that most of her grandchildren never got to know her as she was when she was well. Now that she is gone, many people stepped forward to speak about her like she was a saint. (Really, we all do this when someone dies, don’t we?) People shared random perceptions of her as never judging, never being ruffled by unforeseen circumstances, dutifully putting up with whatever she had to put up with as a woman of her generation raising three boys. All of this true. To a point.
The truth of her, though, was that she was supremely human. Loving, welcoming, a present, non demonstrative caretaker for sure. She was always willing to help out a student or a parent in need. However, she was not immune to complaining about one thing or another. Her judgments were sometimes sharp and she had very fixed ways of seeing the world.
And we loved all of this about her. And, honestly, our perceptions can only touch the true story of who she was to herself.
While it is great and noble to remember our loved ones with the rose colored glasses, as we come into the holidays particularly, I think it is important to remember people and events for how they were and not just the shiny best parts. There is no need to hold ourselves up to a false sense of falling short.
We are all perfectly imperfect human beings. And that is what makes life so interesting.
Copyright 2020 Nancy C Murray
